It was when I was in Year Two of primary school.
She transferred in.
She was an incredibly cute, beautiful girl.
I fell in love at first sight.
When she ended up sitting next to me, I was overjoyed.
I even thought it might be fate.
She always wore a cool expression, unshaken by anything.
But she wasn’t cold—she was kind to everyone, treating all people equally.
If I forgot my textbook and asked to borrow hers, she’d lend it without the slightest hint of annoyance.
She was that kind of girl.
Because I liked her… I wanted to know more about her.
Once, I went to see her house.
I think it was in the winter of Year Four.
On a whim, I climbed up the tall stone wall and peeked inside.
And that’s when I saw it.
Her mother striking her across the cheek.
She was dragged along and thrown out into the garden.
The sharp slam of the glass door stayed with me.
It was a winter evening, freezing cold, and she stood there in her underwear, shivering.
I rushed over to her in a panic.
I don’t remember what I said to her then…
No—more likely, I couldn’t say anything at all.
She looked at me with cold eyes and said just one thing.
“Please don’t get involved with me.”
That’s what she said.
All I could do was run away.
Later, I heard from her older brother—no, her cousin.
I learned that she was a girl living in very unfortunate circumstances.
It was a world I could never have imagined, coming from an ordinary, average family.
I wanted to protect her.
I wanted to save her.
But I was just a child. I had no power.
I didn’t even know what I could do.
Even so, I kept thinking about how I might help her.
I tried speaking to her, helping her with class duties, doing what little I could.
Each time, she would smile beautifully and say, “Thank you.”
If I could slowly close the distance between us like that…
And when I became an adult…
While I was thinking things like that, I reached Year Six.
I heard from her cousin that she would be enrolling in a fairly prestigious private middle school.
So I asked my parents to let me take the entrance exams.
They thought I’d suddenly become serious about studying, and they supported me wholeheartedly—even enrolling me in cram school.
Somehow, I managed to pass.
I was certain that in middle school, the distance between us would shrink.
I was convinced that school life from then on would be enjoyable.
But…
Strangely, it didn’t turn out that way.
Maybe it was because we’d entered adolescence.
I began to feel a kind of barrier between boys and girls.
Our clubs were separated by gender.
On top of that, we were only in the same class once during middle school.
In Year Three of middle school,
I heard she’d be going on to a private high school.
It was about forty or fifty minutes away by train.
A prestigious school, they called it.
Apparently not quite one of the nation’s very top academic institutions—but when I compared my grades to the school’s required scores, there was a huge gap.
I tried my best to get into the same school…
But it didn’t go like the middle school exams.
I fell short, just at the last hurdle.
I was devastated.
But we lived near each other.
We’d probably still run into each other.
It wasn’t like I had no chances.
If not high school, then maybe we could attend the same university.
…That’s what I thought.
But I was naïve.
That was when I first learned how easily people drift apart once they lose their point of connection.
We’d occasionally pass each other and exchange a small nod.
That was all we’d become.
A month passed.
Early May.
During the holidays, I saw her getting into a car, dressed in a beautiful kimono.
She looked pained… sorrowful.
I hadn’t seen that expression on her face since primary school.
More time passed.
July.
On my way home from cram school, as I passed her house…
I ran into her.
But something was different.
There was an unfamiliar man standing beside her.
He was slightly taller than me, well-featured, with a calm demeanour.
At first, I thought he might be a relative.
He didn’t look like a high schooler—he seemed far more mature.
Though his appearance was youthful, so I guessed he was probably a university student.
I couldn’t imagine how a university student and a high school girl would be connected, so I assumed he must be some well-bred young master tied to the Amagi family.
In a composed voice and expression, he introduced himself as her classmate.
The first shock was that he was actually my age.
But now that he said it, his refined looks still carried a trace of youth.
Like me, he had only recently been a middle schooler.
His speech and manner were gentle and polite.
She stood just a step behind him, well-behaved.
As if she were following him.
As if she were deferential to him.
And she kept glancing at him, as though checking his mood, his opinion, his instructions.
I thought—what a disgusting guy.
I don’t remember what I said after that.
Only that I made some excuse and ran away.
Just a classmate.
That meant, to her, he was nothing more than a male friend.
She’d been confessed to by many boys before—and she’d turned every one of them down.
There was no way she’d suddenly start dating some random classmate.
That’s what I told myself.
Even so… I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Was he really just a classmate?
A friend?
Or… maybe… just maybe…
Just thinking about it made me anxious. I couldn’t sleep.
But I didn’t have the courage to ask her directly.
Even when we passed each other, all we did was nod.
Days went by like that…
And before I knew it, it was September.
One day, I went shopping for clothes with my family.
And then—
I saw her.
I was about to call out to her.
But that man was beside her.
She was happily browsing men’s accessories…
And pointed at one of them.
The man held it up to his neck.
And then she—
Lowered her gaze shyly, her cheeks flushing, fidgeting—
like she had feelings for him, like she was embarrassed.
I had never seen that expression on her face before.
It was pure, adorable, beautiful…
and somehow, alluring.
That quiet, mature, cool, composed girl—who always seemed unreadable—
showing such ordinary, girlish emotion on her face…
It shocked me.
My heart pounded.
My chest tightened.
If she made that expression, any man would fall for her.
It was that captivating.
To have witnessed it—
I was lucky.
It would probably remain a memory for the rest of my life.
And that’s why…
That’s exactly why—
It hurt so much that that expression wasn’t meant for me.
I wanted to look away.
But I couldn’t.
Before I realised it, I was following them.
They looked at accessories together, chatting happily.
She pointed at expensive, flashy pieces and spoke to him.
I couldn’t hear the conversation.
But I could guess what they were saying, what was happening.
She was probably telling him about the kinds of jewels she liked.
Maybe she was even asking him to buy them for her.
Like asking for a present—for her birthday, or Christmas.
Meanwhile, he listened with a serious, yet relaxed expression.
And occasionally, he looked a bit troubled.
Like he was slightly exasperated by her selfishness…
But still, if it was her asking, he’d buy it.
This price was nothing to him.
That was the kind of face he had.
That was the kind of conversation it felt like they were having.
After they left, I checked the price of the accessory she’d pointed at.
…it was absurd.
Not something I could afford as a high school student—
not even as a university student—
maybe not even as a working adult.
Dizzy,
like I was drunk or drugged,
I followed after them.
They moved into the clothing section.
She picked up an autumn coat with a mature design.
Then she looked into her wallet and sighed.
It probably wasn’t something she could buy with her allowance.
Then she said something to him.
A short exchange.
She spoke to a shop assistant, then tried it on.
And turned to him.
He said something—
and she smiled, delighted.
Then… I caught a fragment of her voice.
“I’m going to buy it, you know?”
Her tone was buoyant, almost teasing—like she was confirming something with him.
I understood.
She was asking him to buy her the coat.
And he’d agreed.
He took out a credit card from his wallet and casually paid for the expensive-looking branded coat.
She received the shopping bag from the assistant.
She hugged it with both arms, looking so happy.
A girl who never mingled.
Untouchable.
A solitary, beautiful lone wolf.
That girl…
was wagging her tail at him like a dog or cat being fed by its owner.
He slowly reached out his hand.
And stroked her smooth, beautiful hair.
She didn’t resist at all.
If anything, she leaned into it.
Her eyes softened, looking comfortable.
She really was like a pet.
I couldn’t bear to look at her melted expression any longer.
So I looked at him instead.
He was…
grinning crudely.
Like he was plotting something unpleasant.
I wanted to shout—don’t be fooled.
I really did try to shout.
But… I didn’t have the courage.
Nausea rose up in my throat.
Before I knew it, I was in the men’s restroom.
I splashed water on my face at the sink.
In the mirror, a gaunt-looking man stared back at me—
myself.
My love had ended before it ever began.
