When he said that to me, my first thought was that I had done something wrong.
After all, it was right after we had gone to his family home for New Year’s greetings.
Or… had he grown tired of me?
Uneasy, I asked my adoptive father.
After a moment of thought, he answered.
Originally, it seemed that the engagement had been intended not for me, but for Mei-chan.
However, his family had specifically requested me.
And since I had expressed willingness to meet potential partners, the arrangement was made.
But—
“I began to wonder… if perhaps you never truly wanted this engagement.”
That was what he said.
I didn’t know how to respond.
I could only stand there, stunned.
When I stayed silent, he told me:
“If you don’t want it, you don’t have to marry him. I have no intention of forcing you. If you don’t want it… say so. I’ll wait for your answer.”
It was true that, a while ago, I didn’t want it.
But now… I didn’t feel that way anymore.
Honestly, it was too late for that.
And now, those words felt meaningless.
Why would he suddenly say something like that?
The thought that came to mind was… my adoptive mother.
She dislikes me.
And it seems she isn’t pleased about this engagement either—about me marrying him.
Perhaps she wants to use the excuse that I’m unwilling… to break off our engagement.
And then have him engaged to her real daughter, Mei-chan instead.
Naturally, my adoptive father would care more about his biological daughter.
So perhaps he would prefer that outcome—
…That might be overly paranoid.
But I can’t completely deny the possibility.
Or perhaps… that person said something unnecessary again.
That person is always, always, always—
No… I should stop.
Nothing has been decided yet.
Either way, it was clear that a shadow had fallen over my engagement with him.
And with that… unease began to creep in.
Does he really love me?
Until recently, I had been completely confident—perhaps even a little arrogant—in believing in his feelings for me.
He had always been so kind.
He gave me such a wonderful gift.
And more than anything—
No one would ask, “May I hold you?” unless they had feelings.
We were definitely in love.
I even thought that perhaps he already saw me as his girlfriend, which was why he hadn’t bothered to say it outright.
That’s how certain I had been.
But…
What if it was all just my imagination?
What if I was only seeing what I wanted to see because I loved him?
The thought crossed my mind.
What if he was simply acting as a “fiancée,” nothing more?
What if he only saw me as a female friend?
When I thought about it, he was quite close with his childhood friends—those girls.
Maybe that level of closeness was normal for him—
N-no… that can’t be right.
No one would try to hold or stroke someone they didn’t like.
Even if it wasn’t deep love, he must at least like me a little.
Probably. Surely.
And yet… I couldn’t shake the anxiety.
He’s such a wonderful person.
He doesn’t stand out much at school, but that’s only because he doesn’t style his hair.
When we go on dates, he dresses properly.
And when he does, he’s incredibly handsome.
He’s tall, too.
He’s kind. Gentlemanly. Attentive.
He’s intelligent, cultured, and athletic.
And he can joke—he’s genuinely fun to talk to.
And… though I feel like this might offend him to say—
His family, the Takasegawa, is extremely wealthy.
Half a year ago, I was too ignorant to understand just how much influence and wealth his family had.
But now… I do.
Of course, I didn’t fall in love with him because of money.
Even if his family lost everything, I would never turn away from him.
But…
There will be girls who approach him for that reason.
To put it bluntly—homewreckers.
Of course, he would never cheat.
I trust him.
But I’ve never received a confession from him.
Nor a proposal.
Which means, if you remove the label of “fiancée,” we’re nothing more than friends of the opposite sex.
If he doesn’t love me as much as I love him—
And if some truly attractive woman approached him—
Just imagining it makes me feel sick.
I want certainty.
I want him to say it.
That he loves me.
I want to hear it in words.
And when I think that… I come back to the same question.
Why hasn’t he said it?
He loves me.
He should.
And I’ve shown my feelings through my actions.
It should be about time he told me.
And yet… he hasn’t.
Of course… the same applies to me.
If he won’t say it, then I should.
That would be the logical thing to do.
I know it’s wrong to stay silent, expecting him to understand everything without me saying anything.
Just waiting, wanting, without reaching out—that’s my bad habit.
But still…
Selfish as it is, I want him to be the one to say it.
It might sound like a dream, but—
I want a romantic confession from the person I love.
I don’t think I’m the only one who feels that way.
And besides… this might sound like an excuse, but—
I think he wants to be the one to confess too.
His family is… traditional.
And I feel like that way of thinking has influenced him.
He always walks on the roadside when we’re together.
He offers me his hand when getting out of a car.
I don’t think he believes in outdated ideas about men and women, but—
Perhaps he thinks confessions and proposals are something men should do.
That’s why I want to wait for him.
But back to the point.
For some reason, he hasn’t told me he loves me.
Even though I’m ready to accept it at any time.
And after thinking about it over and over, I arrived at a possibility.
What if he’s…
…incredibly dense?
What if he hasn’t realised that I love him?
What if he doesn’t understand that our feelings are mutual?
Thinking back to New Year’s—
He casually took my hand.
I was so happy.
And at the same time, so embarrassed.
I’m sure it showed on my face.
The way my heart raced—the way I felt—
It must have been obvious that I loved him.
And yet, he looked at me like, “Hm? What’s wrong?”
He’s good at hiding his emotions, so I thought he was just pretending not to notice out of embarrassment.
But maybe…
He genuinely didn’t realise.
Even when he suddenly asked to walk home together, it felt the same.
I was the only one flustered.
If he really is that dense… then it makes sense why he hasn’t confessed.
He’s brave, but even he would hesitate to confess to someone if he didn’t know whether she liked him back.
But at this rate, he’ll never realise.
If he’s truly that oblivious, then the way I’ve been acting so far won’t reach him.
What should I do…?
Perhaps it was because I worried about that so seriously—
That I ended up catching a cold on a precious Saturday.
And at just the time when my adoptive mother and Mei-chan weren’t home.
…Well, maybe it was better that my adoptive mother wasn’t there.
When I told him, he was very worried.
And said he would come to see me.
At first, I felt terribly sorry.
It wasn’t that serious yet, and I didn’t want to risk infecting him.
But…
I was lonely.
And perhaps he could sense that through the phone.
He reminded me of when I had taken care of him before—
Guiding me so that I could accept his help more easily.
That kindness made me so happy.
And at the same time… guilty.
Still, I decided to rely on him.
And that decision turned out to be the right one.
My condition worsened after he arrived.
My fever rose so high that I even lost enough awareness to accidentally show him my underwear.
Having him there was incredibly reassuring.
And… being carried by him like a princess—
I couldn’t help but feel a little lucky.
After that, he took me to the hospital.
And when we got back, he even prepared food for me.
He held out a tray with a bowl and a fork.
And in that moment—
I realised something.
If I keep acting the same way, he’ll never realise how I feel.
And even if I say I’ll wait for his confession, it’s not right for me to remain completely passive.
I have to change too.
I need to be more direct.
I need to make my feelings clear.
So—
“Please… feed me.”
I let myself say something so selfish.
